A YEAR LONG TO BE BACK!

It is a long time, I haven't visited my blog, there are some reasons, obviously, my dear friend readers could figure it out after this long psychological struggle as below, I promise.

People have no time to look back when they are always on the way somewhere else. That is a very sad thing, although there are always good scenery on both sides of way. I am a little tired of the life of which I am always living, however, same as others, how could I just quit it and make my life stable and calm forever. I think it over and over again, why my life is always a variable, why all my colleagues and friends settled down, boyfriend, girlfriend, being married, bearing child. And I watched too much about it everywhere. The nice thing happened always on others but me. Is it the time for me to think why? I stayed in Germany for over half year. I did not do anything, nevertheless, I did a lot. I think about myself everyday, all the time; I begin to consider how to love someone better, and how to better love myself. I wonder what is really love and happiness for myself and why I live in this world. I watch myself from several respectives and aspects so that I am so common that I just want the same thing as others, which is so hard for me to get.

As a common person, I know deeply, I am making mistakes as others. Life is like that consists of various mistakes. But, I also know, to be happy you just need to do several decision correctly, which is enough. On this cross road, I am hesitating and struggling. What could be my right decision? As I know all the time, I know what I want, but could I get it? It must be very
funny one day when I recall it and old. Hopefully, it could become a funny memory, otherwise, I do not wish one day, when I look back my life, I would be so regretful to knock my head on the wall, and grumbling, why I did not...

Why should I leave myself some regretion? This question come to me now and then. This is only one hand, on the other hand, I am trying to be a conservative lady, and keep myself doing nothing. However, I do not know why, but my experience, people who care about me, tell me, that is the right way to do? That is because of why? I can't keep asking myself. Is that to say, it is my fate to face fail, if I just do myself in my way, treating others as well as before. It is really a torture to me.

Too many questions in my head every day. Summing up them, the most important thing I think is to find the way of my living. Another very important thing, I guess, to find the right man, and together to build our future life. Let's see it my announcement. I promise to my god I will cherish what I have to be happy and for the good of my future.

This is actually a nonsense for some of you who have no any idea about me. Forgive me torturing you with "meaningless language". That is my phase of kios.